The most common question people ask when I tell them that I specialize in working with gifted, talented, and creative people is, “why do gifted people need therapy?”
There are many commonly held ideas about gifted people that probably lead to this question. Ideas like:
- Gifted people have an (unfair) advantage over others
- Gifted people don’t need help
- If they are so smart they should be able to figure it out on their own
- Gifted people are happy, popular, and well-adjusted
- gifted people are successful
- gifted people don’t have disabilities…and many more.
The thing is, these ideas are myths. Maybe these myths do apply to some gifted people but probably not to most and certainly not to all.
So… why DO gifted people need therapy?
First of all, gifted people need therapy for the same reasons that anyone else needs therapy. Gifted people experience mental illness just like every other population of people and in some cases (which I’ll talk about in a bit) more often than other groups. Gifted people experience anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, personality disorders, autism, attention deficit disorders… basically any kind of disorder you find in the diagnostic manuals (excluding developmental disorders that require low IQ for diagnosis) can be a problem for gifted people.
Even though there may be a lot of people who think “if they’re so smart they can figure it out on their own,” the truth is that no one (not even the smartest person ever born) has come into the world with an instruction manual. No matter how smart a person is, it is overwhelming to face mental illness. It is scary, isolating, and sometimes embarrassing or feels shameful to experience mental health problems– maybe even more if you have always been able to trust on your mind to lead you in the right direction and a lot of your identity is based on the idea that you CAN figure anything out on your own.
Second, just like everyone else, gifted people experience “problems of living” such as relationship problems, trouble adjusting to life changes, loss of loved ones, marital problems, divorce, parenting problems, loneliness, career problems, identity problems, feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction… the things we all face in the course of our lives. And, just like everyone else, some of them find enough support through friends and family or self-help books to deal with those problems, some of them avoid the problems by over-working or other means of escape, and some of them go to therapy for help.
Lastly, there ARE some problems that lead gifted people to therapy that are not very common in other populations. Most gifted people experience overexcitabilities which cause them to be extra sensitive and intense in ways that others might find weird, disturbing, and even misdiagnose as a mental illness because they are rare in the general population. Another issue that is common among gifted people, but rare among others, is asynchrony; uneven (sometimes profoundly so) development in different areas. I have, for instance, known quite a few exceptionally gifted kids who, at eight or nine, could talk to me about the nature of consciousness or complicated math concepts that I can’t begin to comprehend but are not completely potty trained. Can you imagine what ideas you might develop about yourself if you had the comprehension and thoughts of a 20 year old, the emotional development of any kid your age, and couldn’t quite figure out the potty thing?
At the SENG conference I went to last weekend, during a talk on trauma, I saw a statistic that 80% of gifted kids experience bullying. I don’t know the details on that statistic but I can tell you that it is very common for gifted people to experience bullying as kids and also as adults. They often find it difficult to “fit in” with others and may have a very hard time finding people who can understand them or share their often quirky interests. This can lead to isolation and feelings of alienation that are difficult to understand or overcome and can also manifest as thoughts of the self as damaged, broken, alien, or otherwise unlovable.
Existential depression is another issue that is fairly common among gifted people but fairly rare in the general population. In gifted people this kind of depression (a kind of despair over questions about the meaning of life, purpose, death, and the possibility of meaninglessness etc..) can strike as young as age six or seven and can often lead the person to contemplate suicide. I haven’t seen studies on it but I would guess that there may be a higher incidence of suicidal ideation among gifted populations especially due to existential depression and alienation issues. If you have any info on that I’d love to hear about it!
This is certainly not an exhaustive list of the reasons why gifted people need therapy but I think you can get the idea. Life is hard! And sometimes we all need a soft place to land.
The Gifted Interior 
August 17, 2016 at 10:02 pm
Hi Julie, this is a great article. When I became a teenager the questions after the purpose of life, the meaning of life, the meaning of my existence became so heavy that I pretty often thought about suicide. Especially when I talked to friends of mine and actually none of them understood why I am always asking those ‘silly questions’. I kept thinking and thinking and felt more and more alone with it. I grew up in a traditionally very catholic area in Germany but I questioned the whole god and religion concept from a very young age when I was a child (despite the fact that our religion teacher was a priest and it was just the most natural thing in our village to believe in god, the church etc.) For me too many things with that whole god thing just did not make any sense when put together….I can’t actually remember when I finally made it and found ‘my reason’, ‘my meaning’ for myself to carry on with life. My teenage and young adult years been tough years. Luckily I had one really intelligent friend in that village and with her I could talk for hours about those things, she did not question every thing as much as I did, but she is a very talented person, I think she is gifted as well, she just gave into the ‘family rules’ with working now on the family farm etc. I chose the hard way, out of the village, out of the next town into the next city, from that city into a bigger city in my country and from there abroad…only this whole process allowed me to discard old negative bonds. I would wish I would have known all those things when I was that sad 14 years old girl who thought she is stupid, crazy, not normal etc. just because the world she was living in at that time was too small for her mind. Thanks for your great work! Sil
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August 19, 2016 at 3:38 am
Hi Sil,
Thank you for sharing your story! I’m so glad that you at least found one person who you could really connect with growing up; that is one of the most important things that we all need. I also wish you would have known those things when you were that sad 14yo. That is exactly why I am so passionate about advocating for and serving the gifted population; to reach out to those of us who are isolated and confused about why we are different in the ways we are and help spread the message that we are not alone and also that there is nothing wrong with being exactly who you are.
Thanks for reading 🙂
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August 17, 2016 at 11:03 pm
Very good article on an important topic! Three books that may help people understand, and which also cite some research data, are: (1) Bright Adults: Uniqueness and Belonging Across the Lifespan, by Ellen Fiedler, (2) Searching for Meaning: Idealism, Bright Minds, Disillusionment, and Hope, by James Webb, and Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults, by James Webb, et al. The last book is being revised, and a more thorough second edition will be available in late October.
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August 19, 2016 at 3:40 am
Thank you James. I’m so glad that you enjoyed my article and thank you for the book recommendations. I already have Ellen’s book and your Misdiagnosis book (which are both excellent!) but haven’t yet ordered Searching for Meaning; its next on my list!
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August 19, 2016 at 4:27 pm
I think you will find that Searching for Meaning speaks very much to the existential issues that so many gifted adults, adolescents, and even young children experience, and that it will provide some directions that will be helpful to the reader.
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August 18, 2016 at 5:53 pm
Excellent article, bringing to light a significant problem for the gifted: public perception. We get a lot of flack for being wired differently. Although I wasn’t identified as such back in the early 80’s when I got the gifted label, I’m pretty sure I’m 2e. My mathematical abilities are right out the window. I mentioned it to someone one time, saying that I get the big picture, but I get bogged down with the details. He jokingly said, “What’s 6 x 9?” I said I didn’t know. He laughed. I said, no…for real…I don’t know. He stopped laughing and was embarrassed for me.
And at the same time, I’m able to memorize long strings of numbers or obscure bits of information from my old textbooks, or lyrics to thousands of songs. So am I brilliant or stupid?? I’m both and I’m neither. I just AM. Just like other people just ARE. Having these asynchronous learning differences is NOT some miraculous advantage. It’s an anomaly, and often an inconvenient one at that. It’s like trying to use a Formula 1 race car as your daily commuter. Sure, it’s cool at the track, but you just look like an idiot parking it next to Bob’s Camry. Taking off your helmet, un-wedging your briefcase from under the seat, *Chirp Chirp* (car alarm), “How was your weekend, Bob?”… Yeah. That’s great. My brain is totally in the wrong gear for churning through the work I do every day, and it’s especially difficult when you’ve got a hair-trigger accelerator and a lead foot. Okay, I’m not THAT smart, but I do tend to get a little over-excited about things.
This kind of frustration – trying to merge with the traffic of the “normal” world – is reason enough for gifted individuals to want to seek an outside perspective, to help them gain a better sense of the context of their lives. We didn’t get a manual either, or a crystal ball. Sure we can do some cool stuff, but so can a lot of other people. We got saddled with some challenges that other people don’t face, and they’re very real. For example, being socially inept because you don’t understand that there are LEVELS of openness that are appropriate with others, and you should know about them (instead of, say, being 100% open and honest with everyone, because it’s obviously the way every human being should interact with everyone). Or, as another example, hijacking somebody else’s blog when maybe you should just go get your own if you’ve got so much to say. (Sorry)
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August 19, 2016 at 3:44 am
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences & for reading my post! I definitely agree that there are disadvantages as well as advantages to giftedness and am so happy to be taking part in the process of helping to grow a community of like-minded people so that we can share our experiences and what has/hasn’t worked for us. Your race car analogy is right on 🙂
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August 18, 2016 at 10:34 pm
Great article, THANKYOU. Clearly and compassionately explained!
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August 19, 2016 at 3:44 am
You’re welcome & thanks for reading my post!
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August 19, 2016 at 12:23 am
Thank you for writing and posting this excellent piece!
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August 19, 2016 at 3:44 am
Thank you for taking the time to read my post 🙂
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August 19, 2016 at 5:56 pm
A very interesting title and article. I really enjoyed the “myths” of the Gifted. I suppose there are myths abounding of any grouping – anyone that is so contradictory to our thinking and being of course.
It’s been my experience as a parent and teacher of gifted children that gifted children are subtly and not so subtly bullied by not as gifted teachers, siblings, administrators…and later, colleagues. In short, the Gifted are troubled by the Ungifted…
It would seem that the “below average” and “above average” are targets for the “average.” On the one hand the “below average” are viewed with superiority and contempt, on the other hand, the “above average” are viewed with annoyance, sometimes envy, sometimes rage for being so GD smart!
The gifted need therapy to be able to cope with the personality disorders that have arisen among the Ungifted that seem to swarm them, disorders that they cannot logically or emotionally understand (who can?).
The Gifted need therapy to heal the scars from years and years and years of unwitting and intentional bullying…from within an “average” social milieu that appears not to have a clue what it would be like to be saddled with being…
…too beautiful, too smart, too talented, too exuberant…too much
or…
not beautiful, not smart, not talented, not passionate…not enough.
It would seem that relationship troubles are simply troubles that arise in families, in school, and eventually…in jobs and in the personal domain.
Sadly the “below average” are gifted in ways the Ungifted know not in the same way as the “above average” are gifted in ways the Ungifted know not…
The trouble rests with the Ungifted: the unloving, the unkind and the lazy thinkers and doers, the disingenuous, the fearful, the hurt, and the untenable.
The Gifted need therapy because the Ungifted know not what they do…and those who know what they do are disturbing to the soul.
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August 27, 2016 at 6:38 pm
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. I think I have observed a bit of what you are speaking of and agree that this is sometimes the case. I do have to, quite happily, say that that this may vary a whole lot based on where you live and also a bit on age. I’ve found that with age a lot of people become a bit less concerned with fitting in and more interested in authenticity and that places where the culture is a bit more open seem to be less accepting of differences in both directions. Have you seen that?
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August 20, 2016 at 5:16 pm
Thank you for expressing this so clearly, Julie.
I’m a cognitive hypnotherapist – not currently seeing clients because I’m homeschooling. Thanks to my kids I’ve learned so much about giftedness/2e (in them, myself and others). When I go back to seeing clients I know I’d like to work with the gifted population.
Next month I’m giving a presentation about giftedness to other cognitive hypnotherapists. Your post has been incredibly helpful in clarifying my thoughts!
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August 27, 2016 at 6:40 pm
Thank you very much for your kind response to my post; I’m glad that you found my thoughts useful. It is also wonderful to hear you are planning to work within the gifted community as it currently seems pretty difficult to find support professionals who “get it.”
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August 20, 2016 at 9:18 pm
Lucinda, when you speak to other hypnotherapists, you might also want to mention to them the book, “Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults,” since it may well change the way they go about some aspects of their practice. Additionally, the SENG Misdiagnosis Initiative will give a great amount of information – http://sengifted.org/programs/seng-misdiagnosis-initiative
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August 21, 2016 at 7:03 pm
James, I learned a huge amount from “Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses … ” and share the book and the ideas you write about whenever I can, so I’ll be sure to mention it when I speak.
I’ll also check out those links on the SENG site. Thank you!
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October 31, 2016 at 8:46 pm
This is a topic which really needed to be addressed! Good on you!
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November 2, 2016 at 5:19 am
Thank you!
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December 21, 2018 at 9:53 am
I am a woman in my 50s and just finding out that I am ‘gifted ‘ . I am still struggling with the word after a lifetime of believing that I was stupid . I was conditioned to believe that I was the wrong one and that everything was my fault so to suddenly realise that it is because I am wired differently is mind boggling to say the least . I grew up in an abusive household and I was told repeatedly not to get above my station ! I am presently in therapy with a gifted therapist. We are in the early stages I our working relationship but I do feel some shift happening in me . I was bathed in shame all my life because of the belief that I was wrong and everyone was right .
I am grateful for your post because it does validate my feelings . I have been in and out of therapy trying to find a ‘cure’ for my inadequacy and unfortunately for me , the therapists tended to agree with me and didn’t realise that I was gifted . It is only through sheer dogged determination that I am here alive . Suicide ideation has been the order of the day , constantly wondering why I am alive when I didn’t get the memo of how to live . I didn’t realise that I was desperately trying to follow the wrong script and now at 54 it is hard to let go of the script.
I need lots of courage and encouragement to see this through . I am scared and determined at the same time .
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September 9, 2019 at 12:20 am
Hi Bobby, this is exactly what I needed to hear; now I can smack my boss on the cheek and tell her to pay me 20k more; after all I’M ONE GIFTED MOTHER FUCKER!
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